Part I

I'm in a foul mood tonight. I bought my mother a birthday present last month, a nice, much-needed new stereo, only to find out days before her big day that she had bought herself the exact same thing! I suppose that means that I know my mother and her tastes well, which is a good thing, but it also means that my clever birthday present idea was ruined.

I got over it, but now this means that I have a stereo on my hands that I, ever the procrastinator, must return to the store. After nearly a month, I finally got up the resolve tonight and drove to the massive electronics store from which I bought the unwanted present. The overeager sales clerk who greeted me the nano-second I walked in the door (his name tag identified him as "Harley, In Training") informed me that I was "not allowed" to return the item right now because the returns line had been too long all day and they had decided to cut it off for the night.

Readers, this did nothing to soothe my already prickly attitude. Because Harley was just a kid, and in training at that, I bit back most of my harsh response, but I'm afraid it was glaringly obvious that I was not a happy customer tonight. I don't like being told that I'm "not allowed" to return something that I paid good money for. But, since I'm in the service industry too, I reminded myself that he doesn't make the rules and removed my aggravated self from the store, driving home a little too fast.

Now, I can hear you all asking just how such a small incident could provoke in your faithful writer such a foul mood. And I will tell you- this incident was simply the proverbial straw that broke my back. I feel like so much has been building up this week, adding more and more weight on my mind. Since this blog exists solely for my personal catharsis, you all get to read about what exactly is going on that led to tonight's bout of rage at an innocent store clerk.

To tell you the truth, readers, you probably already know. I think that it's pretty obvious that Feb still has quite an influence on my life. I mean, I thought I could handle it when he went home to Foreignland- I thought that with him being on the other side of the world, it would be really easy to get over him. Afterall, one of the hardest parts of getting on with your life after a breakup is having to see the other person and letting all those old memories and feelings come to the surface, right?

So, in theory, this breakup should be no problem. But the opposite is true. Feb insists on emailing me nearly every day, and calling about once a week. We are still very much in contact, which means I am still very much in love! To make matters worse, up until a few days ago Feb was still flirting with me, complimenting me, and speaking to me the way a lover would . . . the way he did when we were together.

A few weeks after his departure, this was still going on, and I was getting more confused by the day, not to mention angry. I talked with some friends and we all agreed he was out of line and I had to talk to him about it. The problem, readers, is that I didn't want to! Some small part of me was enjoying the attention he was lavishing upon me, and an even smaller part believed, just a teeny tiny bit, that this attention meant that he still wanted me. Somewhere deep down I thought, "Wow, if he still talks and writes to me this way, maybe that means he'll ask me to come back to Foreignland . . . he must still love me!"

As nice as it would have been to continue on in this dream world, I knew it was the least helpful thing I could do for myself. The way he was treating really wasn't fair, and I knew it. So I called him on it- I told him that he was confusing me, and I asked him just what he wanted with me. He response: "I just know I want to be single right now."

Okay. Fine. Good, even. I think we both need some time to be single. We rushed into things very quickly together, and we are both pretty young. I understand how he's feeling, and I think it's the best for now. But I told him that the way he was communicating was inappropriate in light of how he viewed our relationship, and he agreed to treat me differently.

I think this must be continued- this is getting to be a ridiculously long post. Stay tuned for part two!